Best Job Description Ever

In my part time job, I’m a “Data Entry Specialist.” After almost six months on the job, I don’t even know what that means. I think it means, "I type important things into computers really well." Titles, I’ve found, don’t really mean anything aside from delineating salary level, providing meaningless organizational structure and increasing ego. I’ve seen friends get promoted and have failed to notice any identifiable changes in their physical make up or skill level. Job descriptions are equally lacking in terms of nailing down what someone does on any given day. Most that I’ve read seem to be more like the result of game of “How many dated buzz words can you get into a paragraph.”

In the ad agency I worked for, management tried to make the titles more interesting with names like “Director of Practical Magic” (Production Director) or “Group Navigator” (Account Director). But the titles as well as the job descriptions really didn’t nail down the actual execution of the job and were ultimately a load of horse manure. Although personally, I thought it hilarious that the PR managers were called “Story Tellers.” It’s always helpful when you work in PR and your title is also a nice little synonym for liar. Apparently, the irony is lost on everyone but me.

But, last Monday on NPR’s Morning Edition, I heard the best job description ever. George Clinton, of Parliament, described his job like this:

“Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadulu. It’s the art of dancing under water and not getting wet.”

Somehow, without having to think, I know exactly what George Clinton does. When I consider his description in the context of his body of work, it makes even more sense. How much better does his description sound than, “Primary responsibilities include managing the creation, production and distribution of the funk across multiple media outlets, finding ways to color hair in a provocative manner, and generating cross-pollination of musical styles, formats, and forms.”

If what a person does when they show up to work can’t be neatly quantified and described (which I’m guessing is all jobs since it takes most of my friends five minutes to describe what they do), then why make up some corporate sounding mumbo-jumbo. I like the idea of coming up with something intentionally cryptic that at least captures the feeling or gives a snapshot of the job one performs. So let’s see, what is it that I do?

The complete piece on George Clinton can be found here.